Saturday, April 2, 2011

Bastionated Bastards

So here it is, a return to the ignorant, jackanape interpretations of the spin columnists, press quotationists and news-junked loyalists.

I’ve sat in a desk over the past years attempting to dodge my counterparts as they heave oil-slung messages of hope for the Great White North’s bastion of barrels. One was quoted as saying: “why don’t we trap the environmentalists with cheeseburgers from McDonald’s and fling them off a tower”, which was my favorite. And although I am temped by delicious cheeseburgers and would gladly consume one even in the face of danger, my interpretative nature questions how an old dinosaur could possibly be so idealistic with a pave and produce mentality that a hatred develops towards anyone who hugs a tree? In any regard, the idealists have come out in force over the years, and are proud and loud of our economic stranglehold.

One such case; today an article published words on the intraweb indicating that our Great White North’s slew of slimy succulent synergistic soup was being hailed by the US President as: “open for business”. Obama was quoted as saying the US would slash US Oil Import by more than 30%. He continued by saying Canada and a handful of other countries would keep the taps open. The spin columnists were able to manipulate the text and identify that can Canada was singled out as a preferred supplier. But I ask, how can we be single out when there are a quote: “handful of others”. We aren’t singled out. We supply, others supply. We are foreign and the US must import our oil. So how did a speech about reducing foreign oil imports and a speech indicating a move towards renewable energy and acceptance that oil will run out an approval to open our taps further and all is peachy-keen in the bastion of bubbly bitumen? It wasn’t. I read the opposite. But maybe I’m full of cheeseburgers…


  1. " slew of slimy succulent synergistic soup "
    There's an alliterative coup if I ever saw one.